The age all response to disobedience. After all, it's structure protects the known and it's structure errods the unknown. It's obtuse, invasive, comprehensive, and most of all, it needs constant refinement.

It is generally accepted within the autistic community that nuerotypicals are the primary beneficiaries of authority. We believe that most of the thought patterns in circulation encase a form of neurocolonialism when we suddenly notice. Which naturally pervades and dissuade autistics from attaching to it. If we're lucky, we feel alienated. If we're unlucky, we're persecuted. If you're like me, read on.

Reversing these feelings are crucial for long term success as a species and I believe it to be one of the next steps to evolving our species in an effort to become more prepared for what's out there, beyond our solar system.

I am a very privileged individual, but my privilege is knowledge and does not come in the a form of comfort. I strive to become better and more aware of the psychological boundaries we find ourselves within. It has became abundantly clear to me, in my pursuit for freedom and exhortations here on this website. That there is a massive gap between the current understanding of autism and autism.

At the moment, we only know if someone is autistic or not autistic. In our collective attempt to include everyone, nuerodivergence has been framed in a way that includes ADD, ADHD, Dyslexia, Dyspraxia, Dyscalculia, and so much more.

What if, all these diagnosis are a first pass at observing a naturally occurring social structure relative to the relationships we keep?

Would it then become possible to overcome our diagnosis in a way where we can completely remove the symptoms associated with Dyslexia? What about ADHD and ADD? How can we address those in a therapeutic manor that doesn't involve taking a medication?

We talk about this sometimes, maybe in a context of how we present ourselves. The reality is, that sometimes we present ourselves in a way we are unfamiliar with. Both nuerotypical and autistic types have done behaviors we would personally feel ashamed about. In my case, being part of a double blind study without my consent or knowledge. Every mistake, blunder, achievement, everything has been recorded.

Most of my mistakes, blunders, and achievements were experiments disguised as casual social encounters. Things that would never have occurred to me, if my life developed outside of the double blind study. I felt a series of emotions about each encounter, until I realized this fact.

My achievements were used to negligently to empower me and my blunders would be used against me. Being autistic, I think you can guess which happened more often.

And it infuriated me once I became aware. I wanted to know why someone felt the need to examine my life in a way where they felt the need to control it's outcome. Turns out, they tried to get others to help me along the way, however, because of their involvement. The "others" would rather respond to an authority rather than build a real relationship with me.

Overtime, I could feel this.

Even before you noticed I noticed. Even before I let you notice, I noticed.

Asking why is probably the most powerful thing anyone person could do. It opened me to the possibility that someone was trying to help me, but I also noticed they didn't know how to.

So I studied them, back.

Do you know how it feels, to have true feelings of friendship for someone, to want to ask them how they're doing and genuinely feel connected with that someone. Only to have them respond with a casual response, that a central group created? Years I spent with this person, turns out there was always some group in the middle of our friendship.

I'm talking about two people.

Turns out, one friend complained about me continuously to this authority and further more this authority took it up on themselves to hurt me in areas of my life because of those complaints. Mediation was never considered, and it was infuriating once I realized how much this person hated me. Only ejection, and it was heart breaking.

Turns out, one friend just complained about his life to me and I genuinely cared for him and felt like I had to be there to listen to him because he had nobody else. He would then find a girlfriend and I could step away, but in my retrospective analysis of the situation, because he wasn't allowed to talk to me about the authority. He had to pretend to be my friend and it never felt the same to me after that. Nor to him, and we both felt it. We didn't talk about it. We don't talk about it.

What a way to end a friendship based on mutual support.

Decisions were made, changing the way my life progressed because this authority never interacted with me. Instead, they interacted with every single person I would talk to.

It feels like I'm not allowed to have a long term friendship.

I think the worst part about it, is as I became more and more aware of it. I could start seeing people feel as if they were forced into talking with me. When in actuality, I didn't even want to have a conversation with them. I had to be careful, not to show an interest in what they say, even though it was sometimes interesting to me. Other times, I had to emulate a response to them, to show that their effort didn't go unappreciated. After all, they did it with good intentions. However, only I knew that they would eventually want to depart for a reason, yet specified. Which I know, sounds self demeaning. However, it was not unfathomable because it was already quite a common occurrence when I noticed it. I eventually realized that I needed to start preventing people from feeling like they might get sucked into something they, nor I, nor anyone willingly, would want to be apart of.

I walk through life with the acceptance that I'll never have a real friendship because of the authority. Constantly making decisions for the betterment of the group, knowing that the continuance of the authority interacting, will ultimately create a divide in any relationship I build with any potential friend.

Because we're not allowed to talk about it. I can't meditate a compromise.

When I first became aware of it, to prevent the inevitable. I accepted self imposed and extreme isolation. First unconsciously though my non verbalism and then consciously through various methods and communication strategies specifically designed to prevent attachment.

When I didn't pay attention to it, I would be naturally segregated with people who where either emotionally dense and unavailable, or separated from someone who could actually feel something of a friendship with me. The authority decided a better approach, they made a gut call and it broke my heart over and over. I was forced to get along with terse individuals suffering from various mental disorders and because they knew about my history from the authority. They would most often trigger on me, yelling at me or treating me, poorly, I'll add, because they could suck up to the authority beyond my knowledge. Eventually this authority noticed it too and began to use the individual as a conduit to communicate with me by describing their psychological projection of what they see in the participant, but place it onto me instead. Unwittingly, I suddenly became an advisory to the participants and.. well. Once I realized this, it became a session of me mapping out exactly what the observers of the study see in other people and then it was up to me to devise various communication strategies to circumvent their mental deterioration.

Eventually I learned how to promote positive change.

Good people, don't waste their time with.. well, negativity. They just don't think about it, nor do they want to embrace the ghoulness of such a reality. They are interested in a much more pleasant experience as they haven't had to live a life of being threatened or the torment some people have had.

I think one of the more horrendous aspects to what I have had to go through, is that I had to come to the realization that at every level of society, there is always someone looking to scapegoat someone else for things that had happened to them.

People scapegoat each other because they can't process their own trauma and the scapegoat is the first boundary person to push back. Often portrayed against fascism. When we bring attention to scapegoating, people need to understand that it is the social behavior of a group that needs to change and not to focus on the victim hood of the scapegoated. The person who is being scapegoated is strong enough to stand up to persecution, to be a beacon of hope and justice. The group needs to show humility to the symbol of virtue and rather than negating behavior, think of ways to remediate the behavior on the group level.

When fascism doesn't exist within the social group, but prejudice does. How can you combat prejudice when everyone's primary creative product is fashioned for peer review?

Looking at you, academia.

Furthermore, because my history was known and presented to people without my knowledge. An entire written history from peers I have long since forgotten. I would be unprepared for such interactions.

It would take decades for the academic community to develop the language I could use to defend myself from over empathizing peers, emotionally unavailable participants, and the over bearing scientist. I think my experience is unique, because I can clearly see that these people who are now demonized by the autistic community, have gone through painstakingly attempt after attempt, to reach me and communicate with me how sorry they were for what they inadvertently did to me in 2nd grade.

This Authority caused my mutism, as it was called at the time. Today, I call it non-verbalism.

Not academia, the authority I'm talking to now.

I know today, these people, this authority, is trying to help. However, they're nuerotypical and being autistic is just different. Their version of help was painful, most painful, so I had to devise a strategy to teach them to stop trying to help so much.

I had to find a way to sink the pain based feelings and emplace warmer feelings for them.

To get to this point, to turn it from conscious knowledge into unconscious comfort to operate and move forward on.

Was not easy.

Making headway into the direction of overcoming PTSD, numerous PTSD events. It takes patience and perseverance and planning and diligence and a massive focus on the well being of others around me. Who just so happen to fall into a trap, unwittingly aware of the depths they might be asked to perform.

This authority has made attempts to communicate with me over the years. However, me not knowing what I was caught up in, made it impossible for me to parse intentions correctly. When it first came across, it was ridicule from an individual, I thought was a close friend.

All I could do was watch.

The magnitude of those words, would be hidden from me until I used those same words myself for a real friend of mine, who I saw struggle. Someone who I care for deeply, but can't talk to because of mistakes made by the authority.

I did everything right and I made them painfully aware of it. It looked spontaneous to them, but it was meticulously planned to cement this next phase in place. Where I start teaching them healthier patterns for other struggling autistic children, adults, like myself.

A child speaking a full sentence is not an achievement. A child being happy and content is the real achievement while having a comprehensive vernacular. To prey on parents expectations with academic expectations is, absurdly cruel. Instead, I highly recommend the importance about increasing the comfort level of the parents.

Non-verbalism is not an escape, it's a shell. A boundary. The baby chick peaking it's way out of its egg shell, we non-verbals have to pay immense attention at the way language is used around us before we can overcome our non-verbalism.

It takes more time than your have patience for. I measured for it.

It takes conscious thought and diligence. Immense humility, to engage our emotional intelligence and speak empathically. We have to learn to accept that there are those around us, that can't make it past first base when it comes to understanding their own emotions, so we must understand theirs, before validating ours.

Turns out, we already naturally do this. Non-verbalism isn't a protest, it's an empathic response to alleviate the pain and suffering of those around us.

Heal the group, and the non-verbal will cease to be. Stop focusing on what you perceive to be the weakest of us.

Those people around us, hurt us, over and over, don't protect us. Are cold to us, or in my case, don't want anything to do with us for reasons they care not to explain. However, instead of them seeking therapy and improving the situation. They simply ignore the problem and focus on what makes them happy. Projecting their insecurity onto us, not because they want to, but because they don't have the support they needed to support me. Meanwhile, we non-verbals are left under developed and incapable of making progress.

You didn't validate her. She exclaimed for years about how I was different. You should be worshipping her for the kind of person I became. I'm not yet sure about how I feel about it all. However, your honesty helped ease tension.

After reaching adulthood, my second adulthood. I theorized, the relationships we are born into, for us to move forward in life, each of those relationships must meet an emotional threshold for us to break away from it without the negative aspects of codependency. Family isn't always there. However, if we pay close attention to what we're missing in ourselves. We can always find a family abroad to get us the rest of the way.

We sometimes mistake community for what we need most, because the community is willing to provide what is missed the most. The structure of a community is, well, indefinable.

I have developed several communication methods to circumvent deterioration of a social group and it's associated communities. Before I could responsibly allow myself to be apart of another community, I had to learn how to protect that community from an unwanted Authority.

The unwanted Authority that has coexisted with me throughout my life is seeing me do it and is responding to it and I want to validate it, that I see it too. We're in good standing now. There are people now, that can see the same things I see and we don't have to talk to understand what we see. They can vouch for me when I need my non-verbalism.

I noticed your fight club comment, and I've shown you a better alternative. One that aligns with peer review, but goes beyond words. Reason being is, there aren't enough words yet to fully protect me from your negligence.

You're not a wanted Authority, at best, I've learned to account for you. It's time for me to teach you now, so you can help other autistic children and develop support programs for them to thrive in. The kind of things I've wished for, but never existed. You have earned the opportunity to gain my trust.

Now, we can start a better dialogue.

I assert theology is superior to atheism.

Not because I believe in a super natural being or entity, but because belief is absolutely necessary for humans. The belief in the good nature of something is as powerful as the negation of a god or religion. The question comes down to, at least for me, would I rather spend time fighting my beliefs or would I rather spend time reinforcing my beliefs?

I personally think the whole argument about science and religion is moot.

The discussion should instead be around..

How can we reinforce a faith in humanity?

When you get a beginning, sometimes it looks like an ending because we have to dump the bad emotions before we can have to good emotions.

日本語に始まります。