Making sense of the world is tedious. I think that is the pursuit we should strive for, to turn over every downed tree or rock and discovering an evergreen or nasty mold can make all the difference in how we decide to proceed.

There are numerous factors which go into developing a mindset capable of remaining stiff, yet resilient enough to function in society. Those privileged to grow up in a life with the right amount of challenge, have a sense of security. Those of us growing up in a dysfunctional environment with unorganized challenges, have a harder time acclimating into society. Attempting to build a baseline around trying to understand our own existence, when the information is confusing to us, can take some time to figure out. Becoming aware of useful tugging on your thoughts requires repetition of behavior. Then you have to think about those tugging-useful thoughts and try to piece the thoughts into a concept. Then you need to decide how to behave relative to those thoughts.

It's best to start selfishly.

The world seems like a chaotic mess to the person looking at a collection of behaviors. Trying to make sense from it, top down, is an authoritative approach. Trying to make sense of it, from within, is far more than what your imagination can conceptualize.

It requires a blindness and a sense of familiarity, which society formally filled in with faith. You have to believe in what you can imagine. You also have to act on your imagination in good faith.

My inner atheist screamed bloody murder when I came to terms with this.

My inner feminist exclaimed, "Today, down with patriarchy. Tomorrow, down with neurocolonialism."

My non-verbalism nodded, with the slightest sense of approval.

Why is it so hard to believe?

Let me rephrase that, "Why was it so hard for me to believe in myself?"

I lived in bias and how I augmented my life through focusing on my biases, framed my viewpoints. My viewpoints influenced the memories incorporated into my emotional chassis as I progressed forward. I failed to re-evaluate my viewpoints for a very long time. I also failed at understanding how my biases were to permissive.

By too permissive, I mean that I was very amenable. I couldn't see past my own life experience and realize that others relied on each other to hold each other up. Living in solitude for the majority of my life, I got used to holding myself accountable and correcting my own behavior. I never knew other people needed to hold me accountable; I never realized that other people would feel the need to correct my behavior as a gesture of mutual respect.

It's a form of vulnerability, holding someone accountable. You share a standard and you expect the person you're sharing it with, to adhere to it. This is the opposite of the autistic centric concept of non-transactability. Some functioning autistics inherently accept that our reality is filled with non-transactional actors and from that, a majority of us don't know how to fit into a social group.

Non-transactability is the understanding we come to when our emotional chassis is used to make a connection with someone, but that someone is unable to follow through relative to our expectations of the relationship. Somehow as a result, we've developed a way to function in the world without the need of having to hold people accountable. Which is a form of power we have over our peers suffering from the negative effects of neocolonialism. Our natural ability to carry on, gives us a sense of resilience when entering into fierce conversations.

What I think we need to work on together, to move beyond the limitations of our non-transactional mindsets. Is figuring out how to direct our effort into an endeavor while avoiding pathological mindsets.

This is why I like capitalism, it provides the vehicle to dynamically change things in a static social environment. Its a social endeavor meant to disrupt the status quo.